Spare Mother, also Part 2
Work is going very badly. A site is probably not going to launch on time, the client is ragingly angry but not willing to be flexible or do anything much really to help, and I so just don't care that I'm not drawing enough attention to the project at work, I'm not corralling people to help, I'm processing content and things but not staying back late or cancelling my trip on the weekend or anything, I just want a holiday. The site will be late, the world most likely won't end although they are telling me that it will, it's probably all my fault, but I just don't care any more. Burned out.
But I did a good thing today. Arranged to catch up with my ex-defacto-step-daughter, who I hadn't seen since October, really since right after he and I moved out, and we were still close enough back then that he came over to help me put my Ikea bookshelf together. Went to pick her up, all coolly polite to each other, brought her to my place for fish and chips and Black Books on DVD. I was worried that it would be weird, or she'd be resentful, or she might have turned into a moody teenager, or she might have all sorts of questions about the separation, but it was so easy, and just fine. She's a ray of sunshine, that girl, so stable, and friendly, and interesting to talk to. Easy-going. I know there's quite a bit of subterranean stuff going on, and she's 12 so this is a very important part of her life, but she's just so matter of fact. I am proud that I did the right thing and arranged to see her. I am glad to be keeping contact. I know that it will be important for her when she's older, so I will continue to do the right thing and be there for her. I'm a grown-up who cares about her -- that's sort of what I've been all along, because she has more than enough parents to parent her. Such a lovely kid. So, that went well, and sets the stage for future visits. And I stayed and chatted with him a bit more when I took her back, and that was fine. I feel less wrenched now. More objective. And certainly able to handle the grown-up doing-of-right-things, like making an effort to spend time with my ex-defacto-step-kid.
One more day before holiday. Wish me luck!
p.s. When step-kid was about 3 she couldn't remember "step mother" so she from time to time called me her "spare mother", which I thought was great. Everyone needs a few spares!
But I did a good thing today. Arranged to catch up with my ex-defacto-step-daughter, who I hadn't seen since October, really since right after he and I moved out, and we were still close enough back then that he came over to help me put my Ikea bookshelf together. Went to pick her up, all coolly polite to each other, brought her to my place for fish and chips and Black Books on DVD. I was worried that it would be weird, or she'd be resentful, or she might have turned into a moody teenager, or she might have all sorts of questions about the separation, but it was so easy, and just fine. She's a ray of sunshine, that girl, so stable, and friendly, and interesting to talk to. Easy-going. I know there's quite a bit of subterranean stuff going on, and she's 12 so this is a very important part of her life, but she's just so matter of fact. I am proud that I did the right thing and arranged to see her. I am glad to be keeping contact. I know that it will be important for her when she's older, so I will continue to do the right thing and be there for her. I'm a grown-up who cares about her -- that's sort of what I've been all along, because she has more than enough parents to parent her. Such a lovely kid. So, that went well, and sets the stage for future visits. And I stayed and chatted with him a bit more when I took her back, and that was fine. I feel less wrenched now. More objective. And certainly able to handle the grown-up doing-of-right-things, like making an effort to spend time with my ex-defacto-step-kid.
One more day before holiday. Wish me luck!
p.s. When step-kid was about 3 she couldn't remember "step mother" so she from time to time called me her "spare mother", which I thought was great. Everyone needs a few spares!
posted by Ellen at 11:29 pm
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