two migraines
So, I've had two migraines in the past three days. One was at aforementioned End of Financial Year party, right at the beginning before I got any wine in me, and one was today, just after a client meeting. I haven't so many and such big ones in such a short period of time since the very end of the first year of MBA school, right before Christmas break. I wasn't kidding when I said it had been like Finals Week at work lately.
When I get migraines my vision goes funny. The first thing is always some patches of white, and sometimes that's all I get, or sometimes my visual field goes a bit swimmy. But if they get worse the whole middle bit of my visual field goes away, and then when they get worse than that I get these cool things that are officially called "fortification spectra" in the medical literature, because they are jagged lines shaped like the top of a castle wall. They're rainbow coloured and shimmery, like if you put a water droplet on an LCD monitor while it's on, and they float in about the middle distance. I'm very lucky because I usually get vision problems but no pain, and that's how it was both times. Also, I worked out in MBA school that although I don't have visual awareness of certain things, I am getting visual information in and can act on it. I know this because I couldn't see at all one time in class but kept taking notes, and afterwards they were all perfectly straight on the lines and in perfect handwriting. I might even be able to drive, but I've never tried it.
At the party it started soon after I got there and was in full flower for about 30 minutes, while I was meeting people and getting to know them. Including one interesting young man who has since emailed me the link to his personal blog (however, it reveals that he's 30 years old and recently went to the footy all cuddled up to some very, very blonde person called "Jen"...). I wonder if any of those people knew I couldn't see the middles of their faces, and I was having florid hallucinations the whole time? "Florid" was the word that came to mind at the time. But I've learned from experience that I can power through and usually disguise what's happening. I had sort of a headache by the time I got home, but that was hours later. No major harm done.
Today it kicked it immediately upon getting into the elevator after a client meeting on the other side of the bridge. I didn't sleep well last night, and felt very strange and vague this morning when I got to work, but made it through the meeting with a certain amount of authority, and the boss did all the hard work anyway. But right at the end the white lights started up again, and this time I mentioned to my boss what was happening. He was curious about what it was like and what caused it, but otherwise on the way home we just talked about work, and I think I managed to be lucid and even a bit funny but I might have to check with him later to confirm. By the time we were going up in our own elevator my visual experience was quite psychedelic - the boss was fractured into about 16 pieces and the little flashy spectra were going like mad. So I wasn't sure what I would do. I had some water, and some coffee because that constricts the blood vessels in the brain and might reverse the process. I read my email. I was going quite vague. I wasn't sure if I should go home or not, and I wasn't keen to talk to any customers in that state but I did manage it.
The next thing that happened was that I lost my free will. A friend has described this experience as happening to him during an acid trip. He could perceive the world before him quite clearly, he said, but he was absolutely unable to make any distinctions or decisions, and was paralysed with an inability to act. I felt just that way. I decided to make a list of the absolute drop-dead emergency tasks for that afternoon, just in case I needed to go. And I had lunch, and just read the New Yorker online (David Sedaris, is that good for while tripping?) and took it easy. In fact, I got to a very peaceful and relaxed state, because I was resting, and only doing the absolutely necessary things.
Fortunately, after about an hour, I got my will back. There is something different about it, sitting there as a person with a will reading email, as opposed to some freaked out trippy sick girl reading email in a peaceful and helpless state, even if they look the same from the outside and the same amount got done. I would have been incapable of dealing with a problem, in my state. I would have been unable to entreat a fellow employee into action to deal with something and make it a high priority. By the end of the afternoon I could. But in my tripped out state I could not.
I still feel a little wobbly, but also kind of focussed and clean in my mind. Side-effect. And I'm off to bed. If this keeps up, I will definitely need a few days of sick leave to sort myself out. But in the meantime, I get to observe my brain's activities, which is kind of cool for a philosopher, and I am certainly saving on drugs! If I did in fact have very close to an acid trip over lunch, who needs hallucinogens? And also, who would ever on earth do them for fun?
When I get migraines my vision goes funny. The first thing is always some patches of white, and sometimes that's all I get, or sometimes my visual field goes a bit swimmy. But if they get worse the whole middle bit of my visual field goes away, and then when they get worse than that I get these cool things that are officially called "fortification spectra" in the medical literature, because they are jagged lines shaped like the top of a castle wall. They're rainbow coloured and shimmery, like if you put a water droplet on an LCD monitor while it's on, and they float in about the middle distance. I'm very lucky because I usually get vision problems but no pain, and that's how it was both times. Also, I worked out in MBA school that although I don't have visual awareness of certain things, I am getting visual information in and can act on it. I know this because I couldn't see at all one time in class but kept taking notes, and afterwards they were all perfectly straight on the lines and in perfect handwriting. I might even be able to drive, but I've never tried it.
At the party it started soon after I got there and was in full flower for about 30 minutes, while I was meeting people and getting to know them. Including one interesting young man who has since emailed me the link to his personal blog (however, it reveals that he's 30 years old and recently went to the footy all cuddled up to some very, very blonde person called "Jen"...). I wonder if any of those people knew I couldn't see the middles of their faces, and I was having florid hallucinations the whole time? "Florid" was the word that came to mind at the time. But I've learned from experience that I can power through and usually disguise what's happening. I had sort of a headache by the time I got home, but that was hours later. No major harm done.
Today it kicked it immediately upon getting into the elevator after a client meeting on the other side of the bridge. I didn't sleep well last night, and felt very strange and vague this morning when I got to work, but made it through the meeting with a certain amount of authority, and the boss did all the hard work anyway. But right at the end the white lights started up again, and this time I mentioned to my boss what was happening. He was curious about what it was like and what caused it, but otherwise on the way home we just talked about work, and I think I managed to be lucid and even a bit funny but I might have to check with him later to confirm. By the time we were going up in our own elevator my visual experience was quite psychedelic - the boss was fractured into about 16 pieces and the little flashy spectra were going like mad. So I wasn't sure what I would do. I had some water, and some coffee because that constricts the blood vessels in the brain and might reverse the process. I read my email. I was going quite vague. I wasn't sure if I should go home or not, and I wasn't keen to talk to any customers in that state but I did manage it.
The next thing that happened was that I lost my free will. A friend has described this experience as happening to him during an acid trip. He could perceive the world before him quite clearly, he said, but he was absolutely unable to make any distinctions or decisions, and was paralysed with an inability to act. I felt just that way. I decided to make a list of the absolute drop-dead emergency tasks for that afternoon, just in case I needed to go. And I had lunch, and just read the New Yorker online (David Sedaris, is that good for while tripping?) and took it easy. In fact, I got to a very peaceful and relaxed state, because I was resting, and only doing the absolutely necessary things.
Fortunately, after about an hour, I got my will back. There is something different about it, sitting there as a person with a will reading email, as opposed to some freaked out trippy sick girl reading email in a peaceful and helpless state, even if they look the same from the outside and the same amount got done. I would have been incapable of dealing with a problem, in my state. I would have been unable to entreat a fellow employee into action to deal with something and make it a high priority. By the end of the afternoon I could. But in my tripped out state I could not.
I still feel a little wobbly, but also kind of focussed and clean in my mind. Side-effect. And I'm off to bed. If this keeps up, I will definitely need a few days of sick leave to sort myself out. But in the meantime, I get to observe my brain's activities, which is kind of cool for a philosopher, and I am certainly saving on drugs! If I did in fact have very close to an acid trip over lunch, who needs hallucinogens? And also, who would ever on earth do them for fun?
posted by Ellen at 8:46 pm
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